I know, I know, but…

I have about four different places I could post this entry. Here, my LiveJournal, my DreamWidth account, or over at TopShelf. I finally decided on here because this is what this blog is for, a post like this.

What am I whining about now, you might ask?

Stories. Yes, AGAIN….
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Well, I just took my medication, and things are “interesting” in the Chinese curse way.

I’m a bit down, if you weren’t able to tell that from the title. I feel good about this blog, and I’m glad to see that it’s gaining popularity. I do tend to note that it seems that when I post a story, people coming here jumps massively. Interesting that….

“What am I depressed about” you might ask? I’m depressed because of what I wasn’t able to do when I was young.
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One thing that keeps coming up for discussion in various TG/TS forums is fear of the police. There are multiple threads I’ve seen where the original poster is talking about the fear they have of being held by the police for some reason. Part of it is the humiliation of being outted as a TG/TS and the resulting ostracization that can occur from just that all the way to murder at the hands of the police.

Don’t think it’s possible? Take a look at this story and video: Woman Arrested/Striped/Left Naked By Police After Reporting A Crime

That woman is obviously a genetic girl, a real girl, and this happened to her as a victim of a crime. Then contrast that with this story:

Duanna Johnson in Memphis, TN
Memphis Police Officer Beats Transgender Suspect
Duanna Johnson Murdered
Transgender Beating Victim Found Dead in North Memphis

While I’m not going to say that the police murdered Duanna Johnson to stop the lawsuit against them, there is a pattern of violence against those who are considered “different” from the norm. That pattern has been displayed over and over again against not only those who are TS/TG, but those who are gay, those who prefer the company of another sex, and more.

I want to make some sort of grand statement here. I want to say that the entire reason that we fear is because there is truth in the fear, but I’m not that good a writer. I can’t be the voice of those who died like Duanna or Matthew Shepherd, I can’t express in text the nightmare that some feel when they go out dressed up. It is not just the frisson of fear that they will be seen and “outted” as a crossdresser, it is also the fear that there will be a violent, hate mongering, homophobic overreaction that will end with the one who is “different” being in the hospital, or worse, the morgue.

I would ask those who read this blog to pass along this story, to tell others of these experiences in their life. To try to get those who aren’t afraid to go out in clothing appropriate to their sex to understand and to be willing to prevent more of these tragedies.

All I can do is share my thoughts.

Just another wangsty post. Move along if you don’t like hearing about this stuff.

I like writing. I love it when people read what I’ve written and they comment telling me how good it is, or even how bad it is. I need that reader feedback to keep my spirits up. It lets me know that people out there really DO read and really DO care if I continue my stories. One of the best things that happened recently was an author I admire a lot commented on my Samantha’s Story on another site and told me that she loved it and really looked forward to more.

Well, recently I’ve been entering contests with my stories. Now, I know that contests are pretty much popularity contests, especially when more than one person votes on them. But I’ve done my best to put up good stuff.

Unfortunately, only a few other people seem to think so.

See, I entered The Waitress in a contest over at Big Closet/Top Shelf and I thought I had a chance. Really I thought I did. When it went up I got more votes in the “I like it” variety than any other story of mine has EVER gotten, and it is tied for the most comments. So I really thought I could win.

Looking at the voting now, however, I am in a three way tie for 8th place. So, middle of the pack again.

I entered another story called “Making History” and I thought I had a real shot at winning. Apparently not, because I didn’t win that one either.

So I’m bummed, I’m down and things look very bad to me today. < sigh > Maybe it will be better soon, but I’m not too sure about that.

Occasionally I see on other networking sites that there are memes in which the poster puts up lyrics that mean a lot to them. I thought I would occasionally do that here.

FAITHFULLY Lyrics
Artist: Journey
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You might know that I post my stories to TopShelf as well as posting here. On that site they have a voting function that works like a popularity contest.

If you like the story, you click “Vote” at the bottom of the post. If you are a reader, you get 1 vote, if you are an author, you get 2. It’s a good way to get instant feedback on your work since not everyone comments.

I first started posting the Sissy series there and it was received pretty lackadaisically. People liked the “no dialogue” thing, but didn’t like her name. (That’s one reason among many that I changed it later in the series.) I would get about 10-15 votes total and then it would peter out.

I started posting the Mindy series and it did even worse. No comments, only about 3-5 votes. So I pulled that series.

Then I posted the Samantha Series. At this point, I have something like 61 votes on Samantha part 1, and on Part 5, which isn’t a week old, I have 48 votes. The comments are over the top too.

To say that I’m stunned is a bit of an understatement. I’m flabergasted. I’m floored. I never dreamed that my little sentimental series could get this kind of reaction.

I’m like…. wow.

Now, I’m not complaining at all. Far from it. I’m glad that at least one of the series of stories I post there is gaining a fanbase. I just didn’t expect it. That’s all.

Anyhow, enough wangst.