I know, I know, but…

Let me start this post out by saying that I am only speaking for myself. I have no clue as to the feelings of others, nor have I talked to anyone about this.

That being said, I have noticed a lot of crossover between the BDSM community and the TS/TG/crossdressing communities. When I had gone to events in the past that had floggers and cuffs, I noticed several people who were also either crossdressers or who were actual transsexuals and transitioning.

I asked myself why that was. The only answer I ever came up with was that it was a holdover from when they were first transitioning.

In a book I once read, the main character talks about a gentleman who worked in the sewer for 40 years and finally retired who kept buckets of his own feces around his apartment for the smell. He had gotten used to it, and that smell had “got good for him”.

I mention this solely because I think that humiliation and helplessness for some TS/TGs “got good for them”. When most of us are young, we want and need the approval and acceptance of our peers. We need that almost like a drug. It is a survival mechanism that is hard wired into every human, the protection of the pack.

Unfortunately the strange are driven out of the pack and they are mocked and ridiculed. They are made to fee as though they are an outsider, strange, small and weak. They are constantly put into situations where their strangeness is revealed and mocked. They become humiliated and they are everyone’s punching bag. They are, literally, the omega of the pack. They become the lowest of the low, the one that everyone picks on when they have had a bad day.

This tends to happen during the developmental phases of life, from about 8 to 15 or so. By that time the TS/TG’s life is set and their personality becomes developed. That abuse becomes “good to them”.

I think that is the mechanism that motivates many TS/TGs to seek out the humiliation aspects of BDSM, to be told that they are bad and evil and terrible. To be embarrassed in front of society and held up for ridicule.

I know I went through this time when I first started exploring my TS tendencies. Not when I first had those feelings, mind you, but when I first started exploring them as a lifestyle.

See, I did have a time when I was very young when I knew I wasn’t a boy in a boy’s body. I knew something was off, but I tried to cover it and do like Mommy and Daddy all told me to, be a “man” and grow up. I really did try. But I slid back and wore clothing of my mother’s, her makeup and so on. Yes, the stereotypical story of a TS finding themselves at a young age.

But I never had the courage to out and out tell my parents I wasn’t a boy. Hell, I never even knew there was a term for it, just that I wanted to get a Sex Change like Christine Jorgensen.

However, when I got married, my wife made it possible for me to explore this in depth, and I discovered my BDSM tendencies as well. I did want to be humiliated for being a TS, and it did “get good for me”. I liked being shamed. But I grew out of it fast.

I think that is the “problem” in that many of those TS/TGs who still feel this way are stuck in the abuse and humiliation aspects of this lifestyle. They haven’t yet derived pleasure from the being female. They still derive pleasure from the embarrassment.

Truthfully, I think this is where the “drag queens” come from. But I am not a psychologist, so I really don’t know. I’m making guesses here.

I hope that those who come here don’t feel that way all the time. It’s so much better being a female, being a woman, and taking pleasure in the clothes, the dressing up, the makeup, the taking care of others than it is the humiliation.

But it is also possible that the humiliation “got good for you”. If that’s the case, then I’m cool with that. But it throws me into panic attacks.

(One of the reasons I mention this is because my wife gets calls like this from many men who want to be embarrassed and laughed at. Every time I get short of breath. So I’ve been thinking about this reaction.)

Love Always...

 

 

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Mini-Biography:  Joy is a transvestite who has been using her stories as a form of therapy. At this point she has no desire to undergo the full transition, but that might change some day. Read more about her story at My Story on this site.

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