I know, I know, but…

Like many TS readers of late, I have been waiting on FictionMania to come back online. It’s been nearly a year, and finally they are back as of the First of June.

Well, to celebrate, I went and started reading stories there again.

Why did I do this? Mainly because I love reading erotica. I like the stories, I love reading about other people who get their fantasies fulfilled. But here I am reading this and I find myself having flashbacks.

Humiliation and I don’t get along in stories. I’ve been emotionally abused like that for far too long, and it’s nothing that I have ever worked on or dealt with. I have an *official* diagnosis of PTSD in regards to my childhood and a lot of crap that happened to me in regards to my TS nature and just me in general.

So I’m reading along about how good it feels to have panties on, and then BAM! there’s the actual woman making fun of the poor TS kid, laughing at hir and I feel like shit now.

Stories are supposed to get the audience identifying with the main character. It’s one way that the reader knows they have been touched by this particular author.  But when the author takes an otherwise good story and throws in humiliation like that, I can’t read it.

Don’t get me wrong, I WANT to read it, I try to read it, but then I’m thrown back into feeling the way I did when I was little, and it kills me.  I guess that’s the same thing that the word “sissy” does to some.

I’ll stick with Big Closet/Top Shelf for my sweet and sentimental reading I guess.  Fictionmania seems to be the porn mag version of Top Shelf.  They take anything and everything hoping to luck on to a good story or an audience for this or that piece of fiction, and a lot of crap makes its way past those filters of “good taste”.

Mini-Biography:  Joy is a transvestite who has been using her stories as a form of therapy. At this point she has no desire to undergo the full transition, but that might change some day. Read more about her story at My Story on this site.